On the night of betrayal

Lord, You know that I love You. Not only I left everything to follow You, I also told You that ‘Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you.’, I even have the courage to struck the high priest’s servant with my sword when they tried to arrest You. But then what happened to me? I witnessed silently the utterly unfair tribunal you went through, they chained You like a criminal, but You bore it all patiently and in silence. You got spat on, hit by their fists and sticks, being poured with dirty water, being hurled every imaginable insult; as if there is no bounds to their barbarity, to a point that I could not continue watching. Yet my love for you caused me to stay around in the court of the high priest. Was that a mistake? Three people recognised me and three times I denied. Why did I do that? Where was my courage? Was it because of my instinct to danger? Or my mind was too troubled and grief-stricken? Or was it due to exhaust by the sufferings of this sad night? No, I got no excuse. I went back on my words, I renounced You when I knew You need me most! I know I am no longer to be worthy to walk 'on the water' with You, but in tears I beg You to save me once again as I am drowning in this sea of remorse, do not let me fall into this hole of despair, this hole of no return. I confess that I am a great sinner, I admitted that I have committed this horrible sin in front of You which caused me shudder in fear because I know I deserve eternal damnation. But I remember that You said You came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance. I am not afraid of being recognised anymore, and I am ready to proclaim both my fault and repentance to the whole universe. Help me Lord, I trust that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God, who has the Power to forgive sin. I boldly ask You to forgive me, because I have this tiny hope and faith that You still Love me, and I trust in your Love. Like a prodigal son in the parable You told us, I now come to you with my contrite heart, because I know that You would also be like the loving father who would never abandon his child. Forgive me, forgive me, Lord, and save me!

Reflection: Lent is a time of repentance. But are we ready to confess our sins? Or do you think you have no sin? Ven. Archbishop Fulton Sheen told us in his prayer: I see now why Peter was not made Thy first vicar on earth until after he had fallen three times, in order that the Church of which he was the head might forever understand forgiveness and pardon. Jesus, I begin to see that if I had never sinned, I never could call You ‘Saviour’